Where the hell am I?

Seriously, have you ever woken up and felt like you have absolutely no idea how you got to where you are? I mean i'm third year Uni living with my cousin while my Mum lives in Sydney. I never, ever thought this would be life at 20 going on 21. I look around at my life and i seriously can't begin to comprehend just how i got to be here. The most prime example would be my friends. Perhaps this is just me, but in the last three or so years since High School my friends have slowly shrunken to this small group of close buds, mainly girls. This is weird for me because i have always had far more guy mates than girls. I never understood it but most girls tend to hate me. Going to an girl school made this a very difficult existence. But lately i have found myself hanging with my three closest girl friends and wanting to staple things to the heads of my guy friends for their sheer stupidity. Sometimes i feel as though three years have past for us girls but all my guy mates have seemingly gone back in time to when they were fifteen. It sound so positively pompous or as we say completely up yourself to say that you think you are more mature than your friends. On the other hand what else can you think when they still find sitting around a table at a BBQ laughing at fart jokes the epitome of a good time? 

Maybe I'm just an old grandma =( I know I sacrificed a lot of friendships over the years by not just simply bowing my head and going along blindly with what everyone else did but somehow I always thought that if they were real friends they wouldn't care if i forgoed a night out at a club (My idea of Hell) in favour of catching a movie. I never thought that in order to have friends we had to do everything together. Somehow its my male friends that are caught up in this. Take my supposed best friend for prime example. Over the past two years we have gone from being so close i could tell what he was thinking to wanting to repeatedly bash him over the head with his hockey stick for merely existing. I love my friends i really do but i feel like no matter what i do my BBF (Best Boy Friend) is constantly judging me and criticizing every single decision i make. It's a no one situation because if i do what he wants i'll be miserable and a step back for the feminist movement but if i do what i want someone else ends up either getting hurt or upset. I've known him for nine years and that seems like too long a time to just throw a friendship away. And i've tried talking to him but it seriously is just like talking to a brick wall. The worst part are all of our friends. I hate that they are caught in the middle of this because even they can see the tension. I don't want them taking sides and dictating who is right and who is wrong. My best girl Beccy puts it so simply when she says he just must be in love with me because he is always acting like a jealous bf. Or at least she thinks so. But then again she is a romantic at heart. Not all of us found our perfect guy and are celebrating four long years together next month! I know that everything will work out once he removes his head from his sphincter but until then i have to constantly remind myself not to keep any sharp implements around in case i get stab happy. I wish my mum was here. She's my best friend and always knows what to say. One of my friends could give me the exact same advice as Mum but once i hear it in her voice i just feel better.

This has also helped, i really needed to vent this because i'm supposed to be meeting a bunch of friends for ice cream and i have a feeling that unless i vented he was definitely going home with a waffle cone stuck through his eye!